Today is the first day for the rest of my life.
A stray comment on my two year old post 'Love all' made me read all over about my Player Service experience in Chennai Open. And this new years eve, I was on the stands, watching Malisse vs Muller and the doubles with Baghdatis, Gicquel vs Nadal, Vidal, I couldn't help feeling a little lost in the crowds missing the chaos on the courts. Though a friend of mine working there gave me good company. Still raring to be there for the Jiri Vanek, and Mertinak (one of my fav)'s double match, I caught chill and my temperature rose, so had to leave mid-way. There actually wasn't much of a best-laid-plan for new year. So after a good meal, I slept through to the new one.
The morning was quite peaceful with just me and mom. Returned all my calls, smsed my wishes to everyone, and I was done. Received a call from the sets, asking why I was not there for work.
My last year, was quite a spiritual one whether I intended to have one or not. I visited Jerusalem. quite by accident is how I will put it. Encountering Jesus tomb, visiting the last supper room, attending bar-mitzvah at a synagogue dressed in saree, visiting Bahai gardens(did not even know such a religion existed), closer look at Matr Mandir at auroville, to top it up with two day stay at Buddhist Monastery.
Now to think of it, it might not be all that accidental you know. Some spiritual force, that combined to bring a common good will for me to share. I somehow always knew that I cannot be restrained to one religion. A combo always worked for me. So when I encountered all these at close quarters, I am at loss for words now.
When I wrote last year, that 2007 would be my year of travel, I guess someone up there took it quite seriously!
Somehow this year I feel it is going to be a great one. For travel and financial wise. And more satisfying. Have gotten to know lovely people, who have taken me as I am, excusing the madness. And very encouraging too.
Its difficult to word out what I feel. Its a very new day for me. Today. This moment. Though there is one song, which fulfills every part that I emote. I will try describing it with my limited vocabulary.
It is the very essence of living. And it is because of you that I'm alive. And without you I'm a directionless sailor without a northern star.
I live to be. To be yours. It is impossible to be anything else. It is senseless to live otherwise. You are my life. You are everything that makes me alive.
It is with that I wake everyday with a new hope. New day it is for me. Even one moment could transcribe to a limitless bliss that I cannot achieve in a janma. For that moment, I strive to live.I break free all barriers and float all oceans, pass all penance for one wish one destiny. To be one with you. That being with you, will be being you. I can sway to your tune and be the tune itself. A part of the song. I can only cry selfishly that it is not forever as I try holding on to the same tune. I can only cry. And I do.
What is that I'm living for . What is the purpose, born one day to die another. Where is that promised love.
Maybe I'm not worth that. It does seem unkind to withold all that love. When there is so much there for me to give ,and to not know whom to give.
Like the sunflower ever reaching, ever thirsty for those rays. To absorb to be fulfilled.. Half bitten agony.. that it seem so much beyond hope.
Such agony, yet such beauty how can it entwine together in those notes? A silent prayer, a silent cry a tear that falls unnoticed. How can there be such sweet sadness. It does seem cruel to be tortured so, to want more. Its like giving all the colors and stealing the canvas.
So claustrophobic.
How can there be something called too much love? Is that how it suffocates. Is there only too much or nothing?
I am not for this materialistic world. I dont belong. It seems such a waste to try embracing it. I am destined for something much more. I am the wrong person at the wrong time. What does one do when that happens. My yuga is set eons back.
I search every wave that travel. Those lovely sunrays caress and touch and feel.And I can feel the immensity of weightless love lift me above, from the nothing to everything filling me with everlasting happiness if there is one such. No one can, I repeat, no once can get what I got.
From that I pass to a heavy nothingness when the song ends.
The morning was quite peaceful with just me and mom. Returned all my calls, smsed my wishes to everyone, and I was done. Received a call from the sets, asking why I was not there for work.
My last year, was quite a spiritual one whether I intended to have one or not. I visited Jerusalem. quite by accident is how I will put it. Encountering Jesus tomb, visiting the last supper room, attending bar-mitzvah at a synagogue dressed in saree, visiting Bahai gardens(did not even know such a religion existed), closer look at Matr Mandir at auroville, to top it up with two day stay at Buddhist Monastery.
Now to think of it, it might not be all that accidental you know. Some spiritual force, that combined to bring a common good will for me to share. I somehow always knew that I cannot be restrained to one religion. A combo always worked for me. So when I encountered all these at close quarters, I am at loss for words now.
When I wrote last year, that 2007 would be my year of travel, I guess someone up there took it quite seriously!
Somehow this year I feel it is going to be a great one. For travel and financial wise. And more satisfying. Have gotten to know lovely people, who have taken me as I am, excusing the madness. And very encouraging too.
Its difficult to word out what I feel. Its a very new day for me. Today. This moment. Though there is one song, which fulfills every part that I emote. I will try describing it with my limited vocabulary.
It is the very essence of living. And it is because of you that I'm alive. And without you I'm a directionless sailor without a northern star.
I live to be. To be yours. It is impossible to be anything else. It is senseless to live otherwise. You are my life. You are everything that makes me alive.
It is with that I wake everyday with a new hope. New day it is for me. Even one moment could transcribe to a limitless bliss that I cannot achieve in a janma. For that moment, I strive to live.I break free all barriers and float all oceans, pass all penance for one wish one destiny. To be one with you. That being with you, will be being you. I can sway to your tune and be the tune itself. A part of the song. I can only cry selfishly that it is not forever as I try holding on to the same tune. I can only cry. And I do.
What is that I'm living for . What is the purpose, born one day to die another. Where is that promised love.
Maybe I'm not worth that. It does seem unkind to withold all that love. When there is so much there for me to give ,and to not know whom to give.
Like the sunflower ever reaching, ever thirsty for those rays. To absorb to be fulfilled.. Half bitten agony.. that it seem so much beyond hope.
Such agony, yet such beauty how can it entwine together in those notes? A silent prayer, a silent cry a tear that falls unnoticed. How can there be such sweet sadness. It does seem cruel to be tortured so, to want more. Its like giving all the colors and stealing the canvas.
So claustrophobic.
How can there be something called too much love? Is that how it suffocates. Is there only too much or nothing?
I am not for this materialistic world. I dont belong. It seems such a waste to try embracing it. I am destined for something much more. I am the wrong person at the wrong time. What does one do when that happens. My yuga is set eons back.
I search every wave that travel. Those lovely sunrays caress and touch and feel.And I can feel the immensity of weightless love lift me above, from the nothing to everything filling me with everlasting happiness if there is one such. No one can, I repeat, no once can get what I got.
From that I pass to a heavy nothingness when the song ends.
posted by Incognito at 7:00 PM
4 Comments:
I surely hope this year turns out great for you ( and not just travel and finance wise):-)
As for your going to all those places- did you hear someone say nothing ever happens by accident. There is a purpose and design behind everything, we may not see it as such at a given time but when we pause and look back things do become clearer to us.
Can't resist reproducing(not verbatim-though) what I ead somewhere---- be careful about what you wish and ask HIM for because you never know which wish of yours is HE going to fulfill.
May you add more and more points in your frequent flier account as you see your bank account statements becoing bulkier and bulkier but may that not prevent you from posting regularly here AMEN!
First of all, a super duper peppy jumpy happy topsy turvy new year to you :)!
And second, I do sound like an astrologer, aint I? travel and financial wise... :D!
Thankyou so much and may all that what you said about bulkier Bankaccounts come true!
Amen! Awomen! And glory be hale-fu**in-lujah!
i never finished this post...tried reading it thrice but something would come up...today i just sat down to read your blog...before i call you...like some work to do on list....trust me u will be fine...or we must just lie even if we are not...:p
Hey Oru rooba, (did u see Onbodhu rooba :P!), I'm flattered. Really!
Tankoos for making time.
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