Intermission
Right. So here's the thing.
Nowadays I feel I'm always complaining. All the time. Its tiring me too. Sometimes its the only conversation I have with my friends. And I think thats sad. I used to be a cheerful person. Really, believe me. And the best part of this is, people immediately categorise me as confused and lost. There have been few genuine instances that I've been, I accept. But not all the time. Infact I remember these lines from 'The Lord of the Rings'. These are the first few lines that Gandalf writes to Frodo Baggins in his letter.
I have been ruminating for sometime over these lines. Especially the second one. I am not lost neither am I confused. I can clearly see what will happen to me if I chose the OTHER path, namely walking away from the dream profession that I chose to do all these days. The other path, seems to be so wider and has so much creative pursuit. Though my dad always warned me against this particular way of life i.e. 'Jack of all trades, Master of none' I think I'm perfect for that. Why should there be any negativity attached to it? I know I am good at whatever I do (modesty is not one of them, you might think) and enjoy doing different things. Languages, ancient history research, travel, different philosophies, religious beliefs, traditions, people..and so much more. After listening me out, a friend once called me a gypsy. He said all I need is a caravan and I'll be off without looking back. Maybe.
I am my own contender usually, so a better judge cos I am highly critical about my work. So I work to satisfy me n myself. Which itself is a huge task. I am able to tell this with confidence not arrogance. I have claustrophobia. Hence it works the other way round too. When I think I'm suffocating that person, I move away from them. Even at the slightest hint, I keep my distance. This is being applied to my profession right now.
Everybody says this is a phase everybone is facing right now. I hear it everywhere. So what are we doing about it? I dont even have days off to take my mind away from it. Christmas I worked, Diwali I did, sundays I worked. I faked illness to get two sundays off. See here I go again. Coming back to my first line in this post, I really have to start shutting up.
Is it really considered pathetic to be Jack of all trades? I mean thats like the best I can be at. I am a Master of Jack of all trades. How is that. And the main thing is to enjoy what I'm doing. Thats very important for me. All that fame and fortune, I did wish for, right now seems not necessary for a good life. I've worked from my school days, through college to now. Suddenly I feel tired.
Some of them say I should quit. The others, I should stick. I've stopped analysing advantages and disad's. The only thing I know is, I am not driven wholly to my full potential. So multi-tasking is my second option. There is a mature silence that has creeped in, teamed with patience. Something I was not familair till now. Hopefully this new year will bring me more meaning and a sense of belonging, wherever I'm headed.
Whew! Boy, did I miss blogging.
Nowadays I feel I'm always complaining. All the time. Its tiring me too. Sometimes its the only conversation I have with my friends. And I think thats sad. I used to be a cheerful person. Really, believe me. And the best part of this is, people immediately categorise me as confused and lost. There have been few genuine instances that I've been, I accept. But not all the time. Infact I remember these lines from 'The Lord of the Rings'. These are the first few lines that Gandalf writes to Frodo Baggins in his letter.
"All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost."
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost."
I have been ruminating for sometime over these lines. Especially the second one. I am not lost neither am I confused. I can clearly see what will happen to me if I chose the OTHER path, namely walking away from the dream profession that I chose to do all these days. The other path, seems to be so wider and has so much creative pursuit. Though my dad always warned me against this particular way of life i.e. 'Jack of all trades, Master of none' I think I'm perfect for that. Why should there be any negativity attached to it? I know I am good at whatever I do (modesty is not one of them, you might think) and enjoy doing different things. Languages, ancient history research, travel, different philosophies, religious beliefs, traditions, people..and so much more. After listening me out, a friend once called me a gypsy. He said all I need is a caravan and I'll be off without looking back. Maybe.
I am my own contender usually, so a better judge cos I am highly critical about my work. So I work to satisfy me n myself. Which itself is a huge task. I am able to tell this with confidence not arrogance. I have claustrophobia. Hence it works the other way round too. When I think I'm suffocating that person, I move away from them. Even at the slightest hint, I keep my distance. This is being applied to my profession right now.
Everybody says this is a phase everybone is facing right now. I hear it everywhere. So what are we doing about it? I dont even have days off to take my mind away from it. Christmas I worked, Diwali I did, sundays I worked. I faked illness to get two sundays off. See here I go again. Coming back to my first line in this post, I really have to start shutting up.
Is it really considered pathetic to be Jack of all trades? I mean thats like the best I can be at. I am a Master of Jack of all trades. How is that. And the main thing is to enjoy what I'm doing. Thats very important for me. All that fame and fortune, I did wish for, right now seems not necessary for a good life. I've worked from my school days, through college to now. Suddenly I feel tired.
Some of them say I should quit. The others, I should stick. I've stopped analysing advantages and disad's. The only thing I know is, I am not driven wholly to my full potential. So multi-tasking is my second option. There is a mature silence that has creeped in, teamed with patience. Something I was not familair till now. Hopefully this new year will bring me more meaning and a sense of belonging, wherever I'm headed.
Whew! Boy, did I miss blogging.
posted by Incognito at 9:24 PM
6 Comments:
hmmm... why label a path? this or OTHER? going by what me been reading here u don't look like the kind who can stay long on any path. if itz true, welcome to the club:-) if not, well me nvr. claimed to have judged everyone rightly every time. wanna say one thing though-trouble with sticking to THIS path is that one will never ACTUALLY know what was on the OTHER path.
Gumnaam - The primary reason for me for doing what I do now, was to find out what this could offer. As you said, I did not want to have any regrets in the future for not trying it. And now this one is tiring.
Those are pretty comforting words whether you meant it or not. :)
That sounded so much like me that it was not funny.
Thanks for bringing this line back to my consciousness: "Not all those who wander are lost" - Yeah. :-)
And btw, I worked on Diwali, Christmas....all the days when you'd want to be home. And I have to fake illness to get offs from office too.
a) I too work 6.5 days a week; I worked Christmas, Diwali, Independence day, Republic Day, Sunday. I _Was_ actualyl sick for two days and I took them off and had to work overtime to make up - while I was still sick.
B) You don't need to shut up. But you do need to figure out what you are doing, why you are doing it, an weather this particular hell is worth it. If it is, tell yourself that every time you feel ready to throw in the towel. IT's amazing how much the idea that I need recommendations from my boss steadies me on days when all I want to do is walk out and never come back.
And if it isn't worth it, then figure out why you are sticking with it. Did you accomplish what you took this path for? Do you want to move on?
And if you don't know the answers, don't sweat it. Eventually you'll get it, and meanwhile, take it easy. You may have to work hard but no one forces you to take things to heart like I do; and no one forces you to hate it. In the end, what matters is that you don't regret what you've decided to do. And you'll have learnt something, even if it is that "this is not what I want to do".
Illusion - :) Sometimes I dont even need to try explaining the situation I guess. Thought I was the only odd ball out of the court bouncing up n down seeking baskets. *hugs*
Camphor - An extra something I did not mention. I dont get paid. No monthly income. It comes and goes with a rarity like raining in Chennai. And not a constant amount.
So it has come to a stage. Either I get paid to do a crappy job or learn something worthwhile unpaid.
You know, right now this phase I'm going through, its pretty clear. No confusion. Only varied choices..
I am going to go with the flow. You 're right abt one thing, I can always look back and not regret not trying it out.
You take it to heart too?
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