A year done

To all random riffs and raffs, irrelevent topics and haphazard thoughts,
dearest blah, happy 1st anniversary
..more insanity to follow.

And oh ya, a happy birthday to Viggo Mortensen. Still love ya :)!

Elizabethtowned

How we spend our time in life, we always almost forget to live it. Isnt that sad? Every morning, we get up, we wear our clothes and as smooth as it could be, we dorn our masks too. Arent we all trying to hide the real-self? From whom.. The others? Them? ..Who again?

And here came a movie, that said nothing and said it all. Elizabethtown.
Thanks D, for gettin me the movie to watch. Loved it.

Life is shitty. But is damn good.

Returning back

There are times that you are satisfied by simple things. Like finding ice cubes in the fridge after a hot day or a hug or a stupid offline message or sometimes a forgotten five ruppee note aged inside an old novel or sometimes even when winamp, when in shuffle mode, plays your favourite song. I could use a couple of them right now.
Have been loafing around too much for the past week. Somehow, feel extremely kiddish. I want to confess my sins :) to somebody, and have a heart to heart to chat and just feel light and do craziest stuffs ever. And then change. I am quite versatile. Thats what my friends say. But sometimes that backfires so hard, before I can even gather my sense, and leaves me to think, why the hell am I doing whatever I am doing. I've started noticing that I go off in a trance. Sometimes I am not even apart of a conversation mentally. I have to wake up. I need to. I feel that I am too gullible, that I need to gather my reigns and start anew.

Do you remember when you wore an umbrella skirt, you stood on the ground, and looked at the sky and went round and round and round and round, you felt dizzy but still you went on, beacuse you wanted to see your skirt fly and one point you wished you could also take off. I feel like that now.

The other times

Today has been a roller-coaster of emotions. Sometimes we think, we have seen it all. But fate takes extra care to slap you in the face with reality. Every notion that you believed in, breaks down, every thought comes to a standstill. Maybe it is this unpredictability, good or bad that life offers that I love.

There are a few demands that I have always wanted from life as a little girl. Though the list varied from time to time, few remains etched. For one, I know it is hopeless to hope for, still it is that childish desire, fetish crave that make me yearn. And it is dissolved in a lot of 'what if's' that I try avoiding that line of thinking. But when I come across people, and understand them through time, it wakes me up and I search answers within myself cos it isnt very easy talking about it. There is always this constant smirk of inner voice, mocking that I sometimes feel so foolish to even dream. What is the use? Temptation would only make a slave out of me. I am one such, who does not remain the same. I get addicted and finally lose myself in that web, and deny outside and say that I am just fine. Because I deny myself. Because the emptiness never mattered. Ah! you notice, I'm using past tense. Bull shit. Whom am I kidding.

Random Ramblings

Today is one of those rare days, I finished work and came home early to find everything is in order and I find I have time to call my friends, pamper my dog, spend time with mom, relish dinner and finally find a book, read it till I wait for sleep to come over. One of those days, when I mentally tick off all those stuffs that I had planned to do, pending for a long time. One of those days, I sleep early, cozy and satisfied.

I read 'A Tiger for Malgudi' two days back. What a refreshing novel. Its sometimes a pity that R.K. Narayan is not as recognised as some of the so-called-profound-writers. The style, the narration, only one word could sum all that up. Brilliant. Waiting to get a fresh copy to add to my collection. I would love to do a solo post on RKN. But still have a few more precious novels to go before I do that.

Sometimes, when I see the sunrays filtering through my windows, fall on my crumpled bed, I see those dust speckles dance.. I wonder. After all, we are also teeny specks from space. And how we complicate our own life. I remember this lyric that went, 'The power of extreme leads to the tower of wisdom'. How difficult it is. To let go of yourself. To be extreme.

I have always laid down rules and regulations around me. And somehow suffocated in them. But for the past few months, I see myself changing. Somehow, now everything feels light. As if Atlas took back his burden with him left me free for the wake. Wake. Funeral of the past, maybe.

Now, I shatter the glass, for a rebirth
Cos, it was just a figment of my own cursed mind
Looking around, I was alone, not lonely.

Maybe I have not reached infinity. But definitely on the way. Love has always been a clutch. Now it feels like freedom, flowing and more than everything, complete.

"Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance
to dance along the light of day
And head back to the Milky Way
And tell me, did Venus blow your mind
Was it everything you wanted to find
And did you miss me while
you were looking for yourself out there

Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken
Your best friend always sticking up for you
even when I know you're wrong
Can you imagine no first dance,
freeze dried romance five-hour phone conversation
The best soy latte that you ever had . . . and me"
(From Train - Drops of Jupiter)

Perfect.