The storm

There was a storm raging outside yesterday. Well, not just outside. My family was spending time together, all four of us, after a long time. That proved to be too much tension for us, as in a span of an hour, a terrible fight broke out. It was much more than a fight, more like confrontations. Took quite some time for it to become calm, infact calmer, as all of us chose to become silent. Somehow, that in itself became an acceptence between each of us. Nowadays, I cant bond with anyone in my family. I tried, but I looked like an actor trying so hard. Pathetic. I dont think I could ever have a family, a happy one at that. Before I kept doubting myself, sometimes even getting scared to think what if that also hits the rocks. Cos I dont have the strength to survive one more of these make believe "happily lived ever after's". Cos I have not seen something like that to justify that such a relation exists. I felt all my relatives were just acting out their parts in front of a crowd/audience and then getting back to reality when they were alone. Everywhere broken marriages, families.. Anyway yesterday's thing just strengthened my belief. I am so tired of believing in somethings just to see it getting broken down. I am so tired of fighting. I am so tired. What is life, when you live it like death?

the moment of truth passed by
cannot survive it's intensity
i would have to stand alone
not of choice but of lack of company

tears dries up stand still
vision becomes blurred
eyes stares blank
into the oblivion

thought comes to a standstill
thinking about the past, present
future seems so far away
do not want to reach out for..
for fear of what it might hold

a high wall is built around me
strangers are welcome here

going in every direction
coming back where i started from
the square one
the road goes round and round

all colours are black and white
greys seems to jump around
and play with me
but i have stuck to dark white

dark light everywhere
everywhere
curtain has fallen down
to separate me from the crowd