Intermission

Right. So here's the thing.

Nowadays I feel I'm always complaining. All the time. Its tiring me too. Sometimes its the only conversation I have with my friends. And I think thats sad. I used to be a cheerful person. Really, believe me. And the best part of this is, people immediately categorise me as confused and lost. There have been few genuine instances that I've been, I accept. But not all the time. Infact I remember these lines from 'The Lord of the Rings'. These are the first few lines that Gandalf writes to Frodo Baggins in his letter.

"All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost."

I have been ruminating for sometime over these lines. Especially the second one. I am not lost neither am I confused. I can clearly see what will happen to me if I chose the OTHER path, namely walking away from the dream profession that I chose to do all these days. The other path, seems to be so wider and has so much creative pursuit. Though my dad always warned me against this particular way of life i.e. 'Jack of all trades, Master of none' I think I'm perfect for that. Why should there be any negativity attached to it? I know I am good at whatever I do (modesty is not one of them, you might think) and enjoy doing different things. Languages, ancient history research, travel, different philosophies, religious beliefs, traditions, people..and so much more. After listening me out, a friend once called me a gypsy. He said all I need is a caravan and I'll be off without looking back. Maybe.

I am my own contender usually, so a better judge cos I am highly critical about my work. So I work to satisfy me n myself. Which itself is a huge task. I am able to tell this with confidence not arrogance. I have claustrophobia. Hence it works the other way round too. When I think I'm suffocating that person, I move away from them. Even at the slightest hint, I keep my distance. This is being applied to my profession right now.

Everybody says this is a phase everybone is facing right now. I hear it everywhere. So what are we doing about it? I dont even have days off to take my mind away from it. Christmas I worked, Diwali I did, sundays I worked. I faked illness to get two sundays off. See here I go again. Coming back to my first line in this post, I really have to start shutting up.

Is it really considered pathetic to be Jack of all trades? I mean thats like the best I can be at. I am a Master of Jack of all trades. How is that. And the main thing is to enjoy what I'm doing. Thats very important for me. All that fame and fortune, I did wish for, right now seems not necessary for a good life. I've worked from my school days, through college to now. Suddenly I feel tired.

Some of them say I should quit. The others, I should stick. I've stopped analysing advantages and disad's. The only thing I know is, I am not driven wholly to my full potential. So multi-tasking is my second option. There is a mature silence that has creeped in, teamed with patience. Something I was not familair till now. Hopefully this new year will bring me more meaning and a sense of belonging, wherever I'm headed.

Whew! Boy, did I miss blogging.

Breathe Easy

It does seem a long while ago
though it was just a year back
Was I ever that pristine?
With unconfined freedom and spotless dreams?
It does seem overrated now.
For I plunged again to work
and left my witherings for everyone else.
When I promised I'll not have my wings cut,
I offered the axe.
Then came the numbness
that made everyday unnaturally placid.

I thank my stars yet, for being a true gemini, really.
For the spell broke yesterday
Friends family forgiveness due.
For the past new years I worked,
this one begs to differ.
Work moved from worship, to just well, work.
My past glorified and future in sorts.
Still, its just a phase
There never was a start, hence no end.

P.S. Have you ever done the dead man's float?
With the water below and the sky above
That was how I always felt with you,
I breathe easy. Sometimes choked too.
But hey, I am not judging.

Blissful Blahs

For the past (irrelevant count added here) days, work has been extremely demanding. Which immediately affected my social life. And now suddenly equipped with free time, I am just clueless how to fill them. Books have always been part of my life. Even during my work lunch time, I take a novel and sit back, freeing my mind of this chaos just for those twenty minutes. Needless to say, I cover about five to six novels in two weeks. The recent ones have been interesting not for the storyline but for the subject they deal with. Namely, NEXT by Michael Crichton (talks about Genetics) and MARKER (deals with sudden series of deaths occuring in a healthcare hospital) by RobinCook. Ironically I saw the movie Constant Gardener at about the same time which covered the sham that is carried in the name of research of side effects brought on by new pills.

Genetics is a subject very new to me. I know it only in lay-man terms as something that is hereditary. Such as if I have a long nose, then, well, oh its in the family. I never knew that thousands of genes instilled in our body that influences even the kind of diseases you get. For example, in the book, Marker, there is a particular gene that when reacts with another gene causes breast cancer. I never knew that medical research in genetics had advanced to such limits that there can be a possibility of emerging human and animal gene to produce humanimal or humanzees. Though a fiction by Crichton, the novel was very convincing of what to expect in the morrow. And maybe it is happening as I write.

Which brings a possibility of saying, I have just raped this person, oh but I cant help it cos I have energised-temperemental genes. The author mentioned some court suits using genetic disorders as defence. Though I do not know how plausible it is to convince a jury. Its enough to start chaos in the legal system.

I love reading court novels. So there are a lot of Erle Stanley Gardeners and John Grishams that I've devoured. And the doctors who testify in any particular case from and for the court, is always contradicted by another doctor brought by the defence. And both have a long list of credentials to brag which makes it highly unpredictable to guess the direction the jury is going to swing. 'The Innocent Man' by Grisham, his latest, and first factual book took me completely by surprise almost causing a lousy image about American legal system which had an innocent man for twenty years in prison without no evidence. Something that is quite possible here in India, but sounded ridiculous there, that too when there was no political party involved. It also portrayed Americans as panicky people. They seemed to jitter at the slightest suspicion and when things go out of control convince themselves that what they are doing is right. For example, they do relay very much on the lie detector machine. But in this case, when the guy came out negative for lie detection, the police(who were sure they had the right guy) convinced themselves that there is a probablility that the machine turned out wrong.

I've not experienced Indian courts so have no say about them(actually thankful about it). Though the stories I've heard have never been positive. Knowing that the decision lay upon one Judge seems quite risky. And our cinema has dramatised our judicial system. We know that there will be guy with an ancient typewriter taking notes. We know the criminal and the person testifying has to stand throughout the scene. And ofcourse a judge with Gandhi's photo looming in the background and the lawyers using pure tamil arguing with other sub-lawyers nodding at the oval table. I am probably as misinformed as the rest of the janta. Come to think of it, I dont think we have a movie showing exactly how Indian courts work, to my knowledge. For that matter we havent tapped lots of professional area which could actually contribute some interesting screenplays. Alas! It'll be difficult to bring inbetween Switzerland bg with koothu song in them.

I know I've strayed a lot from my initial words, so let me scroll back. As I was saying, genetic research have also reached means to change natural colour of animal skin. In NEXT, the author talks about advertisements taking a new turn using fishes as one kind of media with logo's imprinted on them by changing the gene structure. So next time you look into a pond (considering a pond exists after all these exploitation) you'll probably see an 'INTEL' Logo inscribed on its scales.

As for medical malpractices, the book by Cook dealt with medical insurance companies taking over the cost of the patient, but killing them because they are liable to become very expensive, well.. it again brings a lot of insights. Let me explain. Suppose you are insured and suddenly you have some symtoms that puts you through a series of medical checkups. And in the end, the hospital finds that you have a potential for getting cancer or such similar disease, they start a treatment for the same. Obviously your medical company takes care of your expense. But getting information that you are going to be a costly customer, (which obviously is a no-no situation for any insurance company) the company arranges for you to be eliminated. And Cook does come up with ingenious ideas in his book, such that even during pathology (autopsy), noone suspects a mishap.

OK, this post has sure been a big blah. I notice I've not stuck to A single topic. Anyway, so I guess I just made up for the freetime I had. I've been wanting to post on Israel, but havent finished it yet. Its pathetically in drafts mode for a long time. And as I said during the start of this year about this being my travel year, it sure has been a wonderful journey. And I know its just the starting. Leaving to take a train now. More later,